Moving Forward and Doing Better

I just gave a talk not too long ago in Sacrament meeting. The last time I talked before that was about four years ago. After my talk I thought to myself, "I guess I won't have to do that again for a while." I guess I was way wrong. I have to talk again this Sunday.

I love the learning process of giving a talk or a lesson. I do OK when it is in front of small crowds. I actually get excited to share something that the Lord inspires me to share. However no matter how prepared I get for a sacrament meeting talk I get way nervous and rush through my talk. The funny thing is that when I was younger and asked to give a short talk I could do it without a sweat. Sometimes I wasn't even prepared and gave some of my best talks. I don't know what happened over that last several years. I probably have let others people's judgment get to me.

Another things that I some how let get to me over the years is something my ex-step-father told me. Oh a while back when we were in a family war I was asked to choose between my parents. My step dad kept telling me how evil my father was, that he was a son of perdition. and I needed to pray about it. I didn't believe him, but to truly know for myself. I finally did pray about it. I prayed about the whole choosing between my parents thing and about my dad. I didn't do it out of spite. I truly prayed with a real sincerity of heart. In the end I felt that it was not right to choose between my parents. In my prayers it came to me that Steve had no right to call my dad a son of perdition and that was a judgement only Heavenly father could make. I went to Steve and talked to him about it. He went on and on about how I was wrong and that I was just telling myself that, because that is what I wanted to hear. He told me several times that I just didn't know how to pray correctly. I mostly blew him off, but it some how sunk in and I started to doubt myself. I started to doubt if I knew how to listen to the Holy Ghost at all.

I am getting better at ignoring that and working really hard at learning to trust myself. I still have a long ways to go and like I learned in a sacrament meeting a while back: A person has to practice and work at listening to the Holy Ghost. I will do just that and I am sure I will eventually get over it. I will move forward and do better.

Maybe that is why the Lord decided I need more practice with talks. I am excited and trying not to be nervous. I will do lots of studying and I know I will learn a lot and hopefully teach something to others as well. However, if anyone has any suggestions or stories they would like to share that have to do with my topic they would be most welcome.

The Counselor int he Bishopric gave me this little quote as my topic and highlighted the last bit.

Spiritual Unity with Christ Love: "The principle of love within us is an attribute of the Deity, and it is placed within us to be dispensed independently according to our own will. The Latter-day Saints have got to learn that the interest of their brethren is their own interest, or they can never be saved in the Celestial Kingdom of God."
Brigham Young